CoAbode

Pseudo Mom, By Lori Hughes

By the time my Pseudo-daughter was 5 both parents were very busy professionals who were more often out of town than in. They were doing very important things and making a lot of money at it. I was also a young professional with a busy career but it rarely took me outside the confines of Los Angeles. I was, therefore, handy. And I didn't make a lot of money. I don't know whether that fact figured into the equation or not but I suspect there was some thinking on their part that I, single and not wealthy, living in a tiny apartment should appreciate the opportunity to loll about their roomy, just-remodeled 'family-style' home. Yes their place was bigger than mine, the refrigerator was always full to the point of overflowing and the maid came once a week to straighten the clutter, clean the bathrooms and change the sheets. What luxury!!

There were also 3 cats to feed (and a busy litterbox to attend to). There were lots of other things that didn't really fit into my simpler single-person's schedule... earlier mornings, an actual breakfast to make, shoes to be found (never where you leave them), a trip to school on your way to work, meals to plan and snacks to negotiate. Still, I loved their daughter and, with few obligations to keep me from it, I would have felt selfish in saying, "no" when asked to stay with my Pseudo-child. Four days out of seven. For weeks on end. While mom and dad flew around the country being terribly important. (Not to diminish what they did because they really were important. And still are!)

A Pseudo-Mom might look like a mom and she might even sound like one (usually when stressed) but we often demonstrate some distinctly non-mom-style behaviors. No, we don't throw parties like some misbehaving teen and we don't drink ourselves into oblivion in front of the tots. But I'm sure that your kids ocassionally let it slip that things did not go smoothly in your absence. They tell you that we ordered pizza on a Tuesday night... and ate it for breakfast on Wedneday morning (surely they whisper as they impart this bit of info because it's a secret which we all fervently promised not to tell). It's what they don't tell you that would interest you most. The things they hardly remember because... well... it wasn't as tasty as pizza for breakfast and it wasn't fun or even interesting.... at least not to them.

Still, one wonders just what effect these unusual experiences will have on our young friends. Oh, it's nothing terrible! But you should remember that when you leave your offspring in someone else's loving arms your kids are being exposed to the quirks and peculiarities of another personality. Yeah, you've known us for years. We're your best friend, maybe your sister, a cousin or a great neighbor. You think you know us well enough to predict what we'll do in any given situation. And you are sooooo kidding yourself.