CoAbode

Pseudo Mom, By Lori Hughes:

Many years ago when I was young and foolish... so were my friends. Though the daughter of my best friend and her husband had a very respectable Godmother (a nun who happened to attend the birth at a Catholic hospital) they later determined that she should also have an unofficial God-Mom as well. One who would know her all her life and make a more active contribution to her upbringing. In other words, they needed a fairly constant babysitter and I was the obvious choice because their little red-headed moppet adored me... and I her.

Yes, it takes a village to raise a child and at least one single friend who is willing to take time out of her own social life to make sure your tot is always in safe, loving hands. As the designated Pseudo-mom I would take the aforementioned tot shopping for X-mas presents, attend all important scholastic and social events, know her mind and appreciate her each and every accomplishment much like a proud parent. And of course I would be happy to step in at any time and be the parent... equally reliable and similar in my approach to discipline, behavior and common sense values. They were soooo naive.

Safe and loving, yes, we are. We Pseudo-moms are just as warm and fuzzy as you'd like us to be and most of us are probably as responsible as any parent. Of course you think it's easier for us to deal with your kids than it is for you. We don't have long running disputes over how many times a week one should breakfast on a sugary cereal instead of oatmeal. We don't see our worst selves in the scowl on a 3 year old's face. We don't worry about what the teachers will think when we hear 'naughty words' being fired back at us from that tiny little mouth. We laugh. (At least, I did) Then we worry a little about what you will think of us for having let fly with the expletives in front of your innocent child... until, that is, we realize it's your favorite phrase, too, a nearly unconcious utterance whenever some asshole cuts you off in traffic. Then we laugh again. At you. Behind your back. It's not a mean thing. We love you, too. And we love our Psuedo-kids. But they are, most definitely, your kids, not ours. We do not assume the role of parent. We are something else entirely. And, in some ways, that really does make it easier for us to deal with them than it is for you. But whatever you imagine happens between us while you are not around, however you envision our Pseudo-mom selves replacing you in some sweet scene of domestic bliss... you are dead wrong!