CoAbode

Chubby may be out in our current agro-scene but a change like this could prove that bigger is most definitely better. I'd say it's likely we'll be seeing fatties farming out their flesh to the highest bidder, growing bumper crops and selling them off on Agro Ebay. And given the human tendency toward exploitation we will probably witness a sad scenario or two in which the oblivious obese are taken advantage of by clever clippers who snip more than their share and if we want to talk about fertile ground for lawsuits -- when has the farmer ever been the farm?

The future is never a predictable place but I don't think anybody ever saw this one coming. In the last century, more science fiction writers saw us leaving the planet than changing the way we use this one and I don't think any of them predicted a closer relationship between human beings and the bodies that house them. There was a time when futurists feared that advanced technology would allow the human race to outgrow its use for bodies. But chances are we'll grow into a need for bigger better bodies instead.

Posted by CoAbode at 9:04 AM | Permalink

Let's face it -- not everything will grow on everyone because, let's face it, some of us are spicier than others and if you're on the bland side you might not be able to sprout the tastier treats. Then again a bitter nature might make the honey suckle sweeter. We may discover things about nature and human nature we never could have predicted. Of course we wouldn't all bud the same shade of green but would our 'true' colors necessarily mimic our melanin? Might we sprout stripes or freckle up in polka dots, occasionally going calico or tortoise shell in seasonal splendor? I have maniuplated the color of flowers in my garden by changing the balance of the soil and it's no secret that grass will grow a deeper green with the right kind of fertilizer. I can manipulate the shade of green but will Irish Moss go with my skin tone or should I consider a hint of Baby's Breath for high lights? Would a rose be too much? There are no rules, no guide lines yet but we'll still need brave stylists to proclaim themselves 'experts' despite their lack of experience. How else will we know if we're lovely or lame?!?! Like anything else in life this will, no doubt, define a new divide. The very very rich can go ornamental only and feast off the food growing flesh of others. Of course we'll reach a stage where having your crop exfoliated to the extreme will be the ultimate in beauty -- because only the most outrageous or wealthy will be able to afford not to grow their own. For anyone else, it's suicide. If you have naturally fast growing food you can feed yourself and sell the rest. And if living off the profits of what your body does naturally seems odd consider the super model -- no special skills just natural perfection and curves.

We can make up the standards as we go and I'm pretty sure we should we address the 'peekaboo' issue before it becomes an issue. I know the plumber's-butt look is in for guys and the thong-crawling-out-of-the-jeans look is hot for women (too bad it's not limited to those who have the bod for it) but I really think we should consider the minimum and maximum coverage question now. If you skimp on the foliage, you're stuck padding the diet with cheeze in a can or doing the unthinkable -- stealing. When is it a case of playfully thieving crops from a friend or grabbing lunch at the expense of others? Will low blood sugar be an acceptable defense for such a personal crime? You may not be stealing the food from my childrens' mouths but you're stealing it right off my hand or my thigh or -- wherever it's growing!! We're gonna need a new set of laws. Forget about indecent exposure -- if it all falls out you can always put on clothes. But illegal mowing, clipping and gnoshing are the ultimate concern. Don't touch my daisies!!!!

Posted by CoAbode at 9:03 AM | Permalink

I suppose you could go through life happily eating nothing but broccoli if you'd never tasted anything else but I suspect we'll never stop demanding the variety that we've sought throughout history. The spice road through Asia was a quest for taste not a conquest of territory. We've managed to miniaturize electronics and we'll probably figure out how to make tiny growing goodies as well. We might bear teeny fruits, itsy bitsy nuts and bite-sized veggies. Or, if we're smart, we might merely maintain a lush crop of grassy goodness -- something nutritious like wheat grass -- with a section of romain and a smattering of lamb's ear for flavor. There will, of course, be bugs to deal with and, as everyone knows, it's good to fertilize so we'll probably be spending just as much on gardening 'products' as we ever did on soaps, creams and clothing. Perfume could still be useful -- as long as we're not growing scented shrubbery but the alcohol and oils in these odors might not be a healthy choice for plant life and we might find them more useful on the soles of our feet. For stinky pinkies could really stand out against that freshly mowed smell. Along those same lines -- I'm not sure how sweat will effect the food crop and I'm pretty sure it'll take science several years, a lot of arguing, many mistakes and multiple retractions to decide whether working out and growing are a good fit or a mismatch. We won't have to decide what to wear anymore but we will have to worry more about what's living in what we're wearing. Butterflies and Lady Bugs will always be welcome but molds and mildews, gnats and fruit flies -- shall we spritz or do they serve a purpose?

Posted by CoAbode at 9:02 AM | Permalink

Remember how your mother used to claim there were potatoes growing in your ears? This is just before she jammed a cue tip into that tiny space that should never be invaded by anything more solid than the tip of a washcloth. If you didn't have that experience you have no idea what you missed. Thus it would never occur to you, as it did to me, to grow food on your own body. Really. Just like a chia pet. Consider the possibilities! You'd always know where your next meal was coming from -- because it would be right there with you. You'd have quality control -- and a powerful incentive to exercise self discipline. Big advantage -- you don't have to worry about what to wear anymore because there's really no need for clothes. And no comfortable way to wear them. Not a big eater? You can sell the excess or donate it to scrawny people with very little 'personal real estate' and there will always be the plus size glutton who can never get enough. It brings a whole new meaning to dressing for success, doesn't it? New businesses would spring up overnight -- forget cool hair cuts, you could wow you friends with a great topiary trim. Air conditioning would be unimportant compared to misting machines and we're gonna need an entirely new line of accessories to make the most of the greens. It's not like there won't be any problems: compuslive eaters might not be able to control themselves especially under the increased pressure of being surrounded by food all the time. Imagine being crammed into an elevator, literally rubbing elbows with a walking feast -- hard not to swipe a chew here and there especially if you think you can get away with a little anonymous grazing. But just what would we grow for personal consumption?

Posted by CoAbode at 9:01 AM | Permalink

Yeah. Go where it grows and you can't really miss. I'm not a 'foodie' so I don't need that sumptuous combination of flavors in order to be satisfied. I can eat a lot of raspberries before I need to taste anything else. For days and days I could eat nothing but raspberries and I wouldn't mind taking a hike to get to them. Of course I might not be as merry about this system during potato and onion season when nothing else is available. And let's face it, if we had to follow the food around every day we'd spend all our time looking for it and trying to stake out a prime spot for the reaping. That wouldn't leave much time to do anything else which makes food finding a kind of 'job' and I'm not sure what that does to the GNP -- or is that GDP now? And just how is the Gross National Product different than the Gross Domestic Product anyway? (Do they change the names just for grins?) Looking for food and staking out your spot could be exhausting, time consuming and economically unsound -- it's hard enough to get a good seat on the sidewalk at the Rose Parade, how would we do if we all rushed to the hills to wait for the ripest avocados to fall out of the trees? And if we're all driving to the hills in individuals autos then I'm not sure I see the point of the trade off. I've always thought it was a mistake for humans to have abandoned the nomadic lifestyle but to make a return to this simple life we'd have to be willing to move around on our own steam because if we're constantly on the move we're going to have to give up every available inch of dirt to grow the gas substitute to fuel our travel. And if we do that there won't be any food to follow. We'd also have to unlearn a lot of our dog eat dog behaviors in order to become 'civilized' enough to be nomads. No -- we'd need another leap in evolution to accomplish that. So I have another idea.

Posted by CoAbode at 9:00 AM | Permalink

Personally, I like to 'grow my own.' When those little cherry tomatoes start disappearing from the supermarkets in the fall my little pots of a cool weather variety are just starting to blossom. But most of us couldn't possibly feed ourselves with the meager amount of growing room we have. Backyard gardens have all but disappeared in cities and even the homes in rural areas tend to be surrounded by lush green lawns rather than neat rows of carrots and peas. No heads of lettuce line the walkways, it's barbecues instead of beans and basil is easy to find in the grocery store but not by the back door. In college I had friends who could grow amazing things in dorm room closets. They used a purple gro-light and though we never 'ate' any of what they grew I understand they 'consumed' a great deal of it. But even if you were willing to sacrifice your closets, your garage and that space under your bed where the dust gathers, just how much food could you realistically grow? I'd never make it through a season with my tiny square footage (although I'm willing to bet that my Honda would make a hell of green house -- if I could just keep the plants from tipping over). Just thinking about it makes me hungry -- and nervous because I know people who behave very badly when when their blood sugar dips even slightly. They are likely to do some pretty nasty things when food is scarce. So -- what to do?

Posted by CoAbode at 8:58 AM | Permalink