GROW YOUR OWN
Remember how your mother used to claim there were potatoes growing in your ears? This is just before she jammed a cue tip into that tiny space that should never be invaded by anything more solid than the tip of a washcloth. If you didn't have that experience you have no idea what you missed. Thus it would never occur to you, as it did to me, to grow food on your own body. Really. Just like a chia pet. Consider the possibilities! You'd always know where your next meal was coming from -- because it would be right there with you. You'd have quality control -- and a powerful incentive to exercise self discipline. Big advantage -- you don't have to worry about what to wear anymore because there's really no need for clothes. And no comfortable way to wear them. Not a big eater? You can sell the excess or donate it to scrawny people with very little 'personal real estate' and there will always be the plus size glutton who can never get enough. It brings a whole new meaning to dressing for success, doesn't it? New businesses would spring up overnight -- forget cool hair cuts, you could wow you friends with a great topiary trim. Air conditioning would be unimportant compared to misting machines and we're gonna need an entirely new line of accessories to make the most of the greens. It's not like there won't be any problems: compuslive eaters might not be able to control themselves especially under the increased pressure of being surrounded by food all the time. Imagine being crammed into an elevator, literally rubbing elbows with a walking feast -- hard not to swipe a chew here and there especially if you think you can get away with a little anonymous grazing. But just what would we grow for personal consumption?