CoAbode

How often do we single moms hear about how hard it is to be a single parent? About how money is tight, personal time is rare, and our children are in danger of becoming delinquents? Daily? At least weekly. And, too often, we take it to heart. We know instinctively that our kids are fantastic, and that money and free time are in short supply for many two-parent families. And yet, we let ourselves and our families be denigrated.

Well, no more.

I’m of the opinion that our single-parent status makes our lives better, in many ways, than they would be if we had partners. Think about it. We make our own choices for ourselves and our children. Their schools, their spiritual educations, their activities…bottom line, it’s all up to us. I’ve been a single mom since the day my daughter was born. This means I chose my daughter’s name, I chose to nurse her, I chose to co-sleep. I got to hold her when I wanted to, and didn’t have to hand her over to someone else when I wanted another cuddle from her. I had all that I wanted. I still do.

So many of my married friends have complained that their marriages took serious hits when their kids came home. The dynamics in their relationships were totally altered, and it was hard to adjust. They have also lamented their lacks of sex drive, and have complained that, after a long day with children attached to them, the last thing they wanted was more touching in the evening.

These same people, however, often tell me they don’t know how I “do” it. But I know that I couldn’t do what they do. I’m certain that they’ve had it harder than I have. I had to adjust my life to accommodate one new person: my daughter. I didn’t have a relationship that had to adjust to her presence, and I didn’t have a partner who was adjusting, either. And rather than making my life harder, it made it oh, so much easier.

I knew from the moment I got pregnant that this was going to be all me, so there were no illusions that my husband would shoulder any of the childcare responsibilities. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t you hear your married friends complain that, when the baby came, they were the go-to parents? Didn’t their husbands try to continue behaving as they had before the baby came? Didn’t you roll your eyes and sympathize with them? And weren’t you thinking that you were so stinkin’ glad that you didn’t have to deal with that kind of nonsense?

I say that we single moms have it pretty darned good. Our kids are growing up brilliant and confident. They have strong female role models, and will never think that a woman can’t do what a man can do. Because we’re doin’ it every day, all by ourselves. And that’s awesome. Yep, we have it good.