CoAbode

Though we have barely enough time to focus on ourselves, I have been
finding joy in the in between moments of each day. Watching the water
splash out of the bath tub, knowing I will have clean up the water
fight the boys are having and remembering - "Someday I am going to
miss this." The frustrations are many but I remind myself to think
about the future, when they are grown and living lives of their own.

Weathering the difficulties of single motherhood means we are growing
too. Like our children, it is happening to us fast; so fast we may
not be seeing our progress.

I have watched myself grow for the past four years, having left a bad
relationship, with no job, no hope and a second child on the way. I
believed my life was doomed for some untold reason and that these two
children were a blessing perhaps I did not deserve.

Now, four years later I can see that the blessing was all of the pain
I have had to feel, heal, and move through. The scars of my struggle
are the shining wounds of a warrior who went to battle against all
odds to nurture and protect her children ... and I have won.

Though the outside world has not changed very much, our home and our
daily lives are chaotic and peaceful in their own right. I have come
to accept where we are. We are closer to poor that rich for now, but
we are far richer than those families I see whose lives have never
been turned upside down for survival and safety. And somehow, I
managed to keep it together: be completely sober, stronger, older,
wiser and less afraid of anything that comes our way.

My boys are now 7 and 3, and we are making it with the help of family
and friends. We are also propelled by the energy of preservation from
the Universe, the one that keeps the flower tight in the bud and safe
on the coldest night and tells it when it is time to gently open up,
and share its true beauty with the world.

by Christina Ciani